gray sun light

today reminded me of another particular wet afternoon. on that afternoon, i was driving a van for someone else. it didn't matter too much when i got to my destination. it didn't matter too much that it did matter when i got to my destination. without contridiction. a heavy gray-skied overcast. leafless trees. passing by the van window. serene. the difference about that day was the lack of color. blacks and browns deeper darker and radiating a unique sharpness of light from that subtlety. no real promise of spring. the something about that drive, its lack of purpose, devoid of hope, in this moment, remembering that place in this moment, i understand that it can be better to be hopeless, than to be hopeful, in these moments.