12-16-19-24-32

oh God, i want to be special. Why can't i levitate? (i've tried floating myself, others, objects, yet we all remain subject to gravity) Why can't i see ghosts? (other people see ghosts, i ask nice, i threaten, i summon, yet not a single sighting of even a wisp) Why doesn't God speak to me? (i speak to him/her/it, i have asked God not to startle me though, please don't sneak up on me, just a daylight gentle "hello, God here, you are doing fine, I've got your back, relax" is all I really would like, yet still all I get is my own brain chatting incessantly fears, doubt, and guilt round the clock) Why can i not be enlightened through meditation? (i try and try and even don't try, yet nothing, and not the good kind of enlightenment nothing, no i get the crappy old fashioned something nothing) Why can't I win the lottery? (i have even played my super-lucky fortune cookie numbers, yet no winner, I mean it cannot be that hard to do - pick 5 or 6 numbers out of 54 - easy, well you'd think so, yet, no) oh God, i am pretty sure i am not special, there is nothing to prove that i am as special as i want to be. except this life. sure. But when i say special, i mean throw it in my friends faces that i am special and they are not special, special. oh God, why do you let me be so disappointed? oh God. I am disappointed, in all of us. (All of us)