while I am thinking about the past, in the present, now in the past again

I remember being not-so-interested in my future when I was younger.   Mostly this was because it was all so easy.  It still is easy.  But I can't help wonder if I could've been someone else, someone better, if I had tried harder.  Seems unlikely.  I always end up at the beginning.

mr. universal

When I was younger I was often referred to as "scrawny."  I tried unsuccessfully to gain weight for years.  Now that a couple of decades have passed, I have gained weight naturally, and i am now often referred to as "oddly shaped."  Weight gain is tricky. 

Thank God

Whenever I get sick in a new way, I wonder if this is it. Does this trip to the toilet have my name on it? Today I got sick in a new way.  I never felt bad in quite this way before.  Details are unimportant and unpleasant.  What I think is important is that every once in awhile I get depressed about writing.  I say to myself, that's it, nothing more, nothing left, not another original or new thought is in my head nor will there be,  i'm done.  And then something like this happens today and I figure that if God is as boundless in his ability to create new and festive ways to make me feel pain as he is proving to be - well then, gosh darn it, I should be able to continue writing a reasonably original paragraph every few days.  I am not sure the logic is solid, but I feel a little better.  Although I do imagine a vengeful God is sensitive to sarcasm; so, I am not exactly sure that I am in the clear yet. Oh well. Anyway, I try to always remember that my next trip to the toilet, may be my last trip to the toilet. Thank God.

this is complicated; please get a drink, relax, read it again, please

I have seen so many trees, that I forget what they look like.

dr. feelprettygood

I remember a kid in school who ate cherry Chapstick.  His parents could afford cherry Chapstick.  I ate generic chapstick, aka, lip balm.  Years later, he ended up arrested on multiple weapon and drug charges.  I ended up writing a blog for six people.  I guess the lesson here is that eating chapstick of any kind is a bad idea that leads to bad things.  Gateway drug, or just stupid, all I know is that he always got the chicks.  Maybe I got the lesson wrong, again.

donuts shouldn't have arms

Right now.  I am distracted.  And it reminds me of the hawk I saw this morning.  It was perched, about 20 feet high, in a tree along the road.  The hawk appeared to be surveying the forest preserve field.  But not even 100 yards down the road, as the field transitioned into strip mall, there was a person dressed up as a huge donut (with sprinkles).  The human in a donut costume was waving at passing traffic, presumably to entice us into the strip mall donut shop.  I am not a hawk expert, but my guess is that a donut, even the huge variety, is not the natural prey of the hawk.  I can't help but believe however, that the big waving donut was a distraction to the hawk.  The hawk seemed to have the business of staying alive on its mind, and there, with unnaturally close proximity, is a ridiculously animated, happy and inviting donut flaunting its pretend fresh sweet goodness.  I wished and daydreamt of the hawk attacking the donut, but I didn't see it happen, nor did I read about it later.  I imagined it circling above, then swooping down, talons bared, beak at the ready to peck and rip, then, in an instant, a flurry of human flails and screams, cloth and mesh and hair and blood being pierced and torn and flung North, East, South and West, relentless and final.  But it was not to be.  There is probably a mouse in heaven right now with the same dream.  If only life were fair.

I made a black water puddle.

When you take someone off the farm, to work as part of a larger society - with the implication of security, do you enter into a social contract with them, now that you have reduced their ability to effectively be self-sufficient? Would you remember that contract generations later? If this system collapses, and people start being hungry, will the corporation care, will the government care, will God care, enough to feed me, or you? What if the system doesn't collapse, but rather just fails a small percentage of the population. They probably would have suffered and died anyway, right? I'll probably be okay, it is you I worry about. Maybe I should kill you now, I'd hate to see you suffer, and maybe die, or need something from me.

circles

oo
The circles touch.
They never join.
It is neither good nor bad.
Unless they are alive.
Then they feel alone, eventually.
oo

not just because it is late

Gosh it is really late. I miss Davy Jones. And Jerry Garcia. And Elvis Presley. And my Grandma. Especially my Grandma. You know, I am not really sure, but I don't think my Grandma liked Elvis Presley. I hope that is not still a problem. I am afraid it may be.

seems like there is a new challenge each and every day

On my way to work in the normal bumper-to-bumper traffic this morning, in the car behind mine, a man, or maybe a woman, has levied a curse upon me.  I don't know their gender because I cannot look back.  More accurately, I refuse to look behind me or in my rear-view or side mirrors.  I will not make eye contact.  But I know I am the random victim of a thrill curse.  A wretched curse designed to test their power over me, a curse that is supposed to make me scratch my head, even though I do not want to or need to. Involuntary scratching.  Possibly the curse is more broad than scratching, and he/she is willing me to do any sort of touching of my head. They are watching, but I will not touch, tug, pull, poke or scratch.  I will not give them the satisfaction.  Bastard.  Fiendish bastard. Not today.

right where they are supposed to be

Today was a beautiful spring day.  I felt strangely optimistic and unfettered by good judgement. I took the photo early this evening.  In the center of the photo above is Venus.  The next brightest light, up and to the left, is Jupiter.  There is a dim outline of trees at the bottom of the photo.  It turns out, now with the aid of hindsight, that today was, in fact, just wonderful.

Earth and Sky, man.

Okay, I have not gotten a lot of pre-orders for my seminar yet, so I think I'm going to have to throw another gem out there just so you know i am not kidding about just how swell this life-changing (for the better) opportunity will be. By the way, this one is so good, I had decided not to sell to the calendar company.  It was going to pitch it as January 12th, 2013' s "thought for the day."  Instead, it is your time to wrap your head around this metaphysical beast:

A fence follows the contour of the ground, not the sky.

Seminar pre-order seats are filling up fast.  Paypal will be accepted, if someone orders something.

I have a lot of giving to do

When you go to my pop psychology seminar, or my religion camp (whichever is paying better at the time) - you will pay a lot (less than it is worth though) of money , you will arrive already believing that I know a secret that I am going to hopefully let you in on, and last but not least - you will get really swell pop wisdom all reduced down to catchy easy-to-assimilate phrases - here's one just to whet your appetite.  Get your credit card ready, cause these gems are not going to be free forever: 

When it seems like there is nowhere left to turn, look up.  Or down, just stop turning in circles.

You're ready to ask for dates and locations, aren't you?

there is a place

I don't know the science or faith that makes ice crystals form like this.  I am not sure it would help.  I think what I want to know about these ice crystals probably exists in all levels of understanding; moving among indifference, amazement, satisfaction, ennui, bewilderment, enlightenment.  Like just about everything else in this world.

Wagons Ho!

Had I been born with wagon wheels in place of my testicles, I would have revolutionized the sport of track and field...assuming God would have seen fit to arrange them vertically, and parallel.

sad guy

I used to be famous for being sad,
because i used to be sad.
everyone in town knew me as the sad guy.
then one day i wasn't so sad anymore,
and i thought i would be known as the guy who wasn't so sad anymore,
or maybe even be known as the happy guy.
Instead they forgot about me.
and i'm just not famous anymore.
even though i am sad again,
sadder than before.