the hat

The person under this hat is important, smart, kind, and clever.  But the hat is really special.  Look at that weave.  Wow.

the nature of clever.

What if I were clever all the time?  By the nature of the proposal, I would have to get more and more clever.  Otherwise, my cleverness would cease to be clever. I would be tedious, like now, except at a higher level; presumably...except, of course, that was clever. I continue.

I swear I just took these down...

It is the time of the year when every year it gets harder and harder not to fall off the roof.

remember Veteran's Day?

There has been some quasi-serious talk in the United States about certain states seceding from the union.  Since that sounds like civil war talk, I kind of imagined (quasi-seriously) that all those men and women who engage in civil war reenactments would have a distinct advantage over the rest of us...should an actual civil war break out.  Then, I realized, that in those reenactments, 95% of the participants are reenacting dying.  So, I don't think it turns out to be much of a tactical advantage, but it maybe something to consider in any discourse related to secession.

for your sake

i would like to believe that we all understand the futility of concern - although it is nice to have someone concerned about you - but it is giving concern that is of issue, not receiving concern.  i would also like to believe that if we all did understand the futility of concern, I wouldn't need to apologize to you.  and by not apologizing to you, you wouldn't know that I ever even was responsible for doing the thing that maybe i did to you.  i think you are better off not knowing.  i am pretty sure i am doing, and will continue to do, you a favor - i am concerned about you.  no sense in adding to your futility.  it is of no concern.

staying on

going through my head this morning were doubts.  inside my head looked like this: doubt, doubt, doubts, doubts, doubt, doubt, doubt, doubts, doubt, and so on.  And it was real, and pushed into overwhelming, and then, a little later, it was okay.  and then a little later, i knew it was okay, but I also knew it wasn't going to be okay later on, but I know you just keep on when it gets like this. because it is okay. always. i promise. stay on.

I still am not sure what he was trying to say.

many years ago when I was a young man, my grandfather gave me a pocket knife.  I was kind of excited because I didn't have a knife of my own and I really thought having a knife was cool.  Also, my grandfather never had paid much attention to me and wasn't much for gift giving.  After he handed it to me, I bright-eyed over the yellow handle and silver tips before putting my thumbnail into the slot on the blade.  I opened the blade and immediately noticed there was no sharp edge to the blade.  It was so dull that it was apparent it was never meant to be sharp.  It was more spatula than knife.  I said, "thank you".  He said, "son, a dull knife is more dangerous than a sharp knife".  I remember trying to smile.

What was that?

Today I was thinking about how it is that the light around us - the illumination that appears as an obvious natural state of clarity - is moving - like the wind, but when the wind stops, there is still air.  When the source of light stops emitting, the light keeps going, away, and is gone from where it once was.  Our light, constantly, quickly speeding past me, not so infinite, not so absolute, not so eternal, gone.  Darkness on the other hand...

unwritten

Dear Lover,
I feed on your weakness, because I like the taste.  You complete me.  But it is the taste of your thoughts and your hopes which i find putrid.  I am afraid that you may, in fact, not complete me - as I had earlier indicated.  It was an honest lack of good judgement on my part.
Your friend,
jimmy

ow

Imagine, please, that I heard something in my neck pop or crack while I was still in bed at about 4:23am yesterday morning.  Now imagine, please, that 24 hours later, I can't sleep and my neck still hurts too much to turn my head without swiveling my entire torso. Now, I imagine you have more painful and chronic ailments than I do. So here is a pretty picture for us to look at, scientifically designed and created with the appropriate shapes and colors to help alter our unique mood states into a positive healthful rhythm; so that both of us make it through the day without strangling anyone:

Okay, my take (4:43am Nov. 8, 2012): I have given the photo a good look-see and I have doubts, but I think you go to jail for strangling someone else; so count me as heading into the day...cautiously optimistic. ow.

jimmy bravo

I am getting the distinct impression that the universe does not care if i am sad...or happy.  So, my plan of the last 30 years to teach the world a lesson with my petulance (and other well-crafted behaviors) has been wasted in an auditorium without an audience.  My fellow actors, brothers and sisters, look out past the stage lights - there is nobody in the seats, empty.  No one is watching and i am giving the performance of a lifetime here!  Have you ever heard an off-stage laugh, or a gasp, or the sniffle that accompanies a tear?  Have you received any applause, or boos?  No, me neither.  Fortunately for me, I don't worry about the accolades; I am in it for the love of the craft.  Bravo.

Election Day

I have been looking forward to a time when everyone in the world is happy at the same time.  I hope it is not an apocalyptic event but rather just a nice moment...or epoch.  Anyway, if it happens, i want to be ready with a catch phrase that will both commemorate and seize the essence of the event.  Right now i've got, "nice one".

e.g., your grandma can't get her prescription filled

Is it delusional to believe that the only things that matter, are the things that matter to me?  Or by saying things that don't matter to me, matter to me, am i making them matter to me?  Relatively unrelated to that, and yet apropos (i think), i've noticed one consistent thing about this world we live in: it is trying to kill me, you, all of us. Unrelenting.

Thick as a brick

I watched a TV program on how to make bricks. Bricks are a sturdy building material.  Bricks are to shelter as enamel is to a tooth.  There is no such thing as a good analogy.  Anyway, turns out, all you need to make bricks is 1) brick dough 2) a smoosher and 3) an oven.  I feel both empowered and sad.  Empowered with my new brick making knowledge and saddened with the realization of just how much time up until now that I have wasted on NOT making bricks. Like now.

flowers are pretty

 This is the time of the year when the sun is already low by the time I get home from work.  This photo is of an autumn mum (at least that is what I am calling it) that I have been finding captivating for the last week or so.  I love these colors.  The colors in the photo are accurate.  I see these colors glowing each evening after work, even after the sun drops below the western tree tops.  These colors and this flower make me happy.  I make everyone in my house look at it.  Now I am asking you to look at it.  I can't do better than that.

Happy Halloween

This is a closeup (shirt-collar-and-straw) photo of the headless straw-filled girl who wanted to have my life.  She wasn't always headless or straw-filled.  She should have left me alone.  Of course, who is to say she is not better off now?  At least she gets to sit on my front porch once a year.  Lucky girl.   Boo.

What that guy wandering around the library last night was thinking...

I went to the library tonight without remembering my library card. I took it out of my wallet a few weeks ago during a routine wallet maintenance efficiency checkup.  And it never made it back in.  I don't know if i could have gotten another one while I was at the library.  I was afraid to ask.  The librarians are kind of mean at my library.  The library was filled with people.  Many of them were loud.  I was scared.  So, I found a piece of paper (a job search pamphlet) to write down all of the library materials I would check out if i could.  I tried to find a seat.  But almost all the seats were taken - except the ones under the "teen area" sign - and I didn't want to sit right next to anyone in the other areas, because they all seemed to be coughing and sneezing and breathing and i was repulsed and afraid.  As I walked around the books and tables and computer terminals trying to identify an acceptable seat, i noticed the people (librarians and patrons) were all starting to watch me. I think they think I am up to something.  So I panicked and sat in the first open seat and I started writing this and now i am afraid to stop writing because I think they are still watching me and I am very uncomfortable with everyone being aware of me now. I must continue to look busy.  I hope no one cares that I took this job pamphlet to write on. I am so tired.  I want to put my head down and close my eyes until it all feels better, but, of course, I can't do that, that will just make it worse.  I better just leave and next time remember my library card.  I hope that helps.

leaves

 











A person can rake leaves until they are all gone.  But they usually aren't all gone.  Today I tried to be happy all day.  I almost made it.  Tomorrow i will follow my dreams.  Just kidding.  Why would anyone want to follow their dreams?  My dreams usually involve an improbable mode of transportation and a dead relative.  I better stay put.  I can always rake more leaves tomorrow.

If you are reading this letter, it means that I am...

My hair used to be long enough to wear in a ponytail. And sometimes I would do that.  I wear my hair short now, but the most recent time I grew my hair out long - when it was time for a haircut - I cut off the ponytail all at once, and saved it.  I still have it.  A rubberbanded  ponytail in a small unlabeled box in a dresser drawer.  When I die, my kids will probably go through my stuff.  I suspect they will stumble upon my scalp-less ponytail when they lift the lid off that unlabeled box/hair coffin. And they will find that discovery to be disturbing and grotesque - because it is.
Love,
Daddy

how i spend my free time

you can waste your life worrying about idiots. or being one. or both.  i suppose there are other alternatives, but none are coming to mind right now.

Don't make me spell it out

 








Trying to understand Truth without Truth and trying to discuss Reason without Reason is why i don't try to explain my Genius in any other terms.

egad

egad.  what a great word. a word so good, it makes me grateful that English is my native language. egad, grandpa's arm is stuck in the woodchipper.  egad, there is a fingernail in my hotdog.  egad, jimmy stop that or you'll go blind, or the more age appropriate...egad, i think i peed myself.  egad.

no photo

i would like to include a picture of how i spent my day.  but my day was spent dwelling on the detestable.  i threw a saddle on sad, painful events from the past which i cannot change.  i cinched that saddle, and i rode those memories hard, and long.  and i pretended to try and dismount, only to dig my spurs right into the flesh of the beast.  it tried to throw me, but i know how to collapse, then flex, stretch, relax, and tighten with the knowledgeable grip that could safely cradle a sparrow and just as convincingly crush the soul of an angel into the black heart of a devil.  it wasn't easy.  i am good at it, and i really caressed the pain. a lesser man could have wasted the day with just a smile, ignoring the nobility of all my hard work.  i have no photograph for the day.  a tear will probably suffice.

marketing

 









I wear tight underwear to accentuate my curves.  I tell you about it to accentuate my legend.

Hi Mike

I had a friend named Mike, who died a couple of years ago.  Mike was married a few times.  And I wondered where Mike was today.  In heaven.  I hope.  And the heaven of my mind is a simple person's heaven.  Mike would be with people he loved and loved him.  His parents, probably.  His siblings, probably.  His Grandparents, maybe.  His wife, I don't know.  Which one?  All three?  I know it can't be true.  I know heaven can't exist like that.  I know I have the beliefs of a child.  I miss Mike.  I want him to be in heaven and happy.  I want to go to heaven and be happy.  Seems unlikely on a cold, rainy, October evening.  But I can still miss Mike, and that, I know, is true.

Road Trip

 






Sometimes when I am driving my car on a long dark highway at night, I think about other times I was driving my car on a long dark highway at night.  Those sure were good times for peaceful reflection.  Now that I am home, I am remembering this last one fondly too.  My most precious memory of this last trip is that I didn't kill anyone while I was trying to drive and look through the camera viewfinder to take a picture of the full moon. 

Happy Birthday

There is a faint glimmer of sound and whisper of light.  (See what i did there, with the words and their perceptions? And now - parenthetically letting you get a peek inside my head...this is the kind of moment that just allows me to wish that, in just this one instance, I were you, so that I could enjoy me in a new way.)  Shine on me, autumn breeze.

the gentle arc of everything

 

This plant is potted outside, and near the side of my house. Where the leaves touch the house they die.  If you didn't want the leaves to die, you'd think that you should move the plant.  You wouldn't think to leave the plant where it is and move the house, because that would be a far less likely and reasonable solution. I am glad the leaves died where they touched the house.  I want to remember this summer. I want those dead leaf ends to be a long, cold, winter reminder of the summer I put the plant outside against the house.  A reminder of this fall evening when I took this photo, accepted defeat, and thought about the summer I should have moved the house.  I was wrong to say I am glad; I am so sorry I let this happen.  Why are the leaf ends dying?  Why did I wait so long to take action?  Where did the summer go?  Where did the year go?  Why haven't I made other changes in my life? Even the long, cold, winter will soon pass. Another chance to either accept defeat, claim victory, or declare a truce, from identical evidence.  Now that I have had some time to really digest this issue, and my life, the problem - the root of the problem - is clearly the photograph itself. Without the photograph, there is no problem.  Really, the photograph is the problem - but I am going to leave it on the blog so you can arrive at the same conclusion, and we can agree, and be happier - together.  As long as we agree.  And don't talk about it.  Okay? Tick a lock.

bounce and lounce

there are a couple of ways to use a trampoline.

there are a couple of ways to live life.  

 these are both good.

while I am thinking about the past, in the present, now in the past again

I remember being not-so-interested in my future when I was younger.   Mostly this was because it was all so easy.  It still is easy.  But I can't help wonder if I could've been someone else, someone better, if I had tried harder.  Seems unlikely.  I always end up at the beginning.

mr. universal

When I was younger I was often referred to as "scrawny."  I tried unsuccessfully to gain weight for years.  Now that a couple of decades have passed, I have gained weight naturally, and i am now often referred to as "oddly shaped."  Weight gain is tricky. 

Thank God

Whenever I get sick in a new way, I wonder if this is it. Does this trip to the toilet have my name on it? Today I got sick in a new way.  I never felt bad in quite this way before.  Details are unimportant and unpleasant.  What I think is important is that every once in awhile I get depressed about writing.  I say to myself, that's it, nothing more, nothing left, not another original or new thought is in my head nor will there be,  i'm done.  And then something like this happens today and I figure that if God is as boundless in his ability to create new and festive ways to make me feel pain as he is proving to be - well then, gosh darn it, I should be able to continue writing a reasonably original paragraph every few days.  I am not sure the logic is solid, but I feel a little better.  Although I do imagine a vengeful God is sensitive to sarcasm; so, I am not exactly sure that I am in the clear yet. Oh well. Anyway, I try to always remember that my next trip to the toilet, may be my last trip to the toilet. Thank God.

this is complicated; please get a drink, relax, read it again, please

I have seen so many trees, that I forget what they look like.

dr. feelprettygood

I remember a kid in school who ate cherry Chapstick.  His parents could afford cherry Chapstick.  I ate generic chapstick, aka, lip balm.  Years later, he ended up arrested on multiple weapon and drug charges.  I ended up writing a blog for six people.  I guess the lesson here is that eating chapstick of any kind is a bad idea that leads to bad things.  Gateway drug, or just stupid, all I know is that he always got the chicks.  Maybe I got the lesson wrong, again.

donuts shouldn't have arms

Right now.  I am distracted.  And it reminds me of the hawk I saw this morning.  It was perched, about 20 feet high, in a tree along the road.  The hawk appeared to be surveying the forest preserve field.  But not even 100 yards down the road, as the field transitioned into strip mall, there was a person dressed up as a huge donut (with sprinkles).  The human in a donut costume was waving at passing traffic, presumably to entice us into the strip mall donut shop.  I am not a hawk expert, but my guess is that a donut, even the huge variety, is not the natural prey of the hawk.  I can't help but believe however, that the big waving donut was a distraction to the hawk.  The hawk seemed to have the business of staying alive on its mind, and there, with unnaturally close proximity, is a ridiculously animated, happy and inviting donut flaunting its pretend fresh sweet goodness.  I wished and daydreamt of the hawk attacking the donut, but I didn't see it happen, nor did I read about it later.  I imagined it circling above, then swooping down, talons bared, beak at the ready to peck and rip, then, in an instant, a flurry of human flails and screams, cloth and mesh and hair and blood being pierced and torn and flung North, East, South and West, relentless and final.  But it was not to be.  There is probably a mouse in heaven right now with the same dream.  If only life were fair.

I made a black water puddle.

When you take someone off the farm, to work as part of a larger society - with the implication of security, do you enter into a social contract with them, now that you have reduced their ability to effectively be self-sufficient? Would you remember that contract generations later? If this system collapses, and people start being hungry, will the corporation care, will the government care, will God care, enough to feed me, or you? What if the system doesn't collapse, but rather just fails a small percentage of the population. They probably would have suffered and died anyway, right? I'll probably be okay, it is you I worry about. Maybe I should kill you now, I'd hate to see you suffer, and maybe die, or need something from me.

circles

oo
The circles touch.
They never join.
It is neither good nor bad.
Unless they are alive.
Then they feel alone, eventually.
oo

not just because it is late

Gosh it is really late. I miss Davy Jones. And Jerry Garcia. And Elvis Presley. And my Grandma. Especially my Grandma. You know, I am not really sure, but I don't think my Grandma liked Elvis Presley. I hope that is not still a problem. I am afraid it may be.

seems like there is a new challenge each and every day

On my way to work in the normal bumper-to-bumper traffic this morning, in the car behind mine, a man, or maybe a woman, has levied a curse upon me.  I don't know their gender because I cannot look back.  More accurately, I refuse to look behind me or in my rear-view or side mirrors.  I will not make eye contact.  But I know I am the random victim of a thrill curse.  A wretched curse designed to test their power over me, a curse that is supposed to make me scratch my head, even though I do not want to or need to. Involuntary scratching.  Possibly the curse is more broad than scratching, and he/she is willing me to do any sort of touching of my head. They are watching, but I will not touch, tug, pull, poke or scratch.  I will not give them the satisfaction.  Bastard.  Fiendish bastard. Not today.

right where they are supposed to be

Today was a beautiful spring day.  I felt strangely optimistic and unfettered by good judgement. I took the photo early this evening.  In the center of the photo above is Venus.  The next brightest light, up and to the left, is Jupiter.  There is a dim outline of trees at the bottom of the photo.  It turns out, now with the aid of hindsight, that today was, in fact, just wonderful.

Earth and Sky, man.

Okay, I have not gotten a lot of pre-orders for my seminar yet, so I think I'm going to have to throw another gem out there just so you know i am not kidding about just how swell this life-changing (for the better) opportunity will be. By the way, this one is so good, I had decided not to sell to the calendar company.  It was going to pitch it as January 12th, 2013' s "thought for the day."  Instead, it is your time to wrap your head around this metaphysical beast:

A fence follows the contour of the ground, not the sky.

Seminar pre-order seats are filling up fast.  Paypal will be accepted, if someone orders something.

I have a lot of giving to do

When you go to my pop psychology seminar, or my religion camp (whichever is paying better at the time) - you will pay a lot (less than it is worth though) of money , you will arrive already believing that I know a secret that I am going to hopefully let you in on, and last but not least - you will get really swell pop wisdom all reduced down to catchy easy-to-assimilate phrases - here's one just to whet your appetite.  Get your credit card ready, cause these gems are not going to be free forever: 

When it seems like there is nowhere left to turn, look up.  Or down, just stop turning in circles.

You're ready to ask for dates and locations, aren't you?

there is a place

I don't know the science or faith that makes ice crystals form like this.  I am not sure it would help.  I think what I want to know about these ice crystals probably exists in all levels of understanding; moving among indifference, amazement, satisfaction, ennui, bewilderment, enlightenment.  Like just about everything else in this world.

Wagons Ho!

Had I been born with wagon wheels in place of my testicles, I would have revolutionized the sport of track and field...assuming God would have seen fit to arrange them vertically, and parallel.

sad guy

I used to be famous for being sad,
because i used to be sad.
everyone in town knew me as the sad guy.
then one day i wasn't so sad anymore,
and i thought i would be known as the guy who wasn't so sad anymore,
or maybe even be known as the happy guy.
Instead they forgot about me.
and i'm just not famous anymore.
even though i am sad again,
sadder than before.

apparently this needs clarification

If I find myself attractive, it does not necessarily mean I am gay. It does mean I am keenly observant.

eternity

My tooth hurt, and then my jaw hurt, and now the whole side of my face is a dull aching weight, and death seems like my best option, but I don't want to die...or go to the dentist.  I wish I had taken the time in life to enjoy a comfy pair of slippers, back a couple of hours ago when I still could enjoy. 

six fifty six

It is 6:56am. Have you ever been here? I know you have, at least once a day. I thought I would apply my unique perspective to it, with the written word.

It was 6:56am.

Life is funny, but I stopped laughing.

Life is funny, but I stopped laughing.  I wrote that.  But, it is so clear - and relatively obvious, that I thought it must have already been written.  And it may have been.  But, I did an internet search (google) for the phrase, and did not come up with any direct matches in the first few pages.  That really surprises me.  So there you have today's post, and a disclaimer - it's too good.

wrestle with this

I have been trying to come up with a catch phrase I can popularize that would mean "tackling a tough problem". I think I finally have it.  Here it is – “wrestle the goose”.  I like it, sounds like it is just waiting to be unleashed. But, now that I’ve written it, I am not so sure; I think it could sound a bit vulgar.  I mean, if you ask your mom where your dad is, and she answers, “don’t bother him, he’s wrestling the goose.”  I am thinking I am not going to bother him.

jimbo doesn't count

I cannot get over the fact that I have never had a cool nickname.  I have been spending some time, a lot of time, trying to come up with my own.  All I have right now is – NOT anything that ends in  -eezer.

from the outside, inside

I got myself out of my chair.  I moved because staying in that chair would have been giving unspoken approval to the unnoticed hurt, the pain of jealousy, the crippling anger of selfishness.  And that is how February is.  This time of year, without snow, Illinois is very brown,  Very brown.  The low arc of a winter’s sunny day brings a deep blue backdrop to the brown earth and a quick end to the day. Inside my house, at night, I am a small figure taking a small space in the dim light of electricity.  Inside my kitchen, on a chair, at the short edge of a table, in the evening, and I wonder how I appear, from the outside, through the window, to a stranger passing by while walking his dog.  When he looks in, does he know that I made a mistake?  Do I know he did too?

brunch with jimmy

“jimmy, write me something pure.”

Believe in yourself.

“okay, but it sounds selfish.”

Depends on what you believe.

“okay, but it is vague.”

I think it is universal, not vague.

“okay, then it is trite.”

Okay.

“Okay?”

Believe in yourself.