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This is a closeup (shirt-collar-and-straw) photo of the headless straw-filled girl who wanted to have my life. She wasn't always headless or straw-filled. She should have left me alone. Of course, who is to say she is not better off now? At least she gets to sit on my front porch once a year. Lucky girl. Boo.
I went to the library tonight without remembering my library card. I took it out of my wallet a few weeks ago during a routine wallet maintenance efficiency checkup. And it never made it back in. I don't know if i could have gotten another one while I was at the library. I was afraid to ask. The librarians are kind of mean at my library. The library was filled with people. Many of them were loud. I was scared. So, I found a piece of paper (a job search pamphlet) to write down all of the library materials I would check out if i could. I tried to find a seat. But almost all the seats were taken - except the ones under the "teen area" sign - and I didn't want to sit right next to anyone in the other areas, because they all seemed to be coughing and sneezing and breathing and i was repulsed and afraid. As I walked around the books and tables and computer terminals trying to identify an acceptable seat, i noticed the people (librarians and patrons) were all starting to watch me. I think they think I am up to something. So I panicked and sat in the first open seat and I started writing this and now i am afraid to stop writing because I think they are still watching me and I am very uncomfortable with everyone being aware of me now. I must continue to look busy. I hope no one cares that I took this job pamphlet to write on. I am so tired. I want to put my head down and close my eyes until it all feels better, but, of course, I can't do that, that will just make it worse. I better just leave and next time remember my library card. I hope that helps.
A person can rake leaves until they are all gone. But they usually aren't all gone. Today I tried to be happy all day. I almost made it. Tomorrow i will follow my dreams. Just kidding. Why would anyone want to follow their dreams? My dreams usually involve an improbable mode of transportation and a dead relative. I better stay put. I can always rake more leaves tomorrow.
My hair used to be long enough to wear in a ponytail. And sometimes I would do that. I wear my hair short now, but the most recent time I grew my hair out long - when it was time for a haircut - I cut off the ponytail all at once, and saved it. I still have it. A rubberbanded ponytail in a small unlabeled box in a dresser drawer. When I die, my kids will probably go through my stuff. I suspect they will stumble upon my scalp-less ponytail when they lift the lid off that unlabeled box/hair coffin. And they will find that discovery to be disturbing and grotesque - because it is.
Love,
Daddy
you can waste your life worrying about idiots. or being one. or both. i suppose there are other alternatives, but none are coming to mind right now.
Trying to understand Truth without Truth and trying to discuss Reason without Reason is why i don't try to explain my Genius in any other terms.
egad. what a great word. a word so good, it makes me grateful that English is my native language. egad, grandpa's arm is stuck in the woodchipper. egad, there is a fingernail in my hotdog. egad, jimmy stop that or you'll go blind, or the more age appropriate...egad, i think i peed myself. egad.
i would like to include a picture of how i spent my day. but my day was spent dwelling on the detestable. i threw a saddle on sad, painful events from the past which i cannot change. i cinched that saddle, and i rode those memories hard, and long. and i pretended to try and dismount, only to dig my spurs right into the flesh of the beast. it tried to throw me, but i know how to collapse, then flex, stretch, relax, and tighten with the knowledgeable grip that could safely cradle a sparrow and just as convincingly crush the soul of an angel into the black heart of a devil. it wasn't easy. i am good at it, and i really caressed the pain. a lesser man could have wasted the day with just a smile, ignoring the nobility of all my hard work. i have no photograph for the day. a tear will probably suffice.
I wear tight underwear to accentuate my curves. I tell you about it to accentuate my legend.
I had a friend named Mike, who died a couple of years ago. Mike was married a few times. And I wondered where Mike was today. In heaven. I hope. And the heaven of my mind is a simple person's heaven. Mike would be with people he loved and loved him. His parents, probably. His siblings, probably. His Grandparents, maybe. His wife, I don't know. Which one? All three? I know it can't be true. I know heaven can't exist like that. I know I have the beliefs of a child. I miss Mike. I want him to be in heaven and happy. I want to go to heaven and be happy. Seems unlikely on a cold, rainy, October evening. But I can still miss Mike, and that, I know, is true.
Sometimes when I am driving my car on a long dark highway at night, I think about other times I was driving my car on a long dark highway at night. Those sure were good times for peaceful reflection. Now that I am home, I am remembering this last one fondly too. My most precious memory of this last trip is that I didn't kill anyone while I was trying to drive and look through the camera viewfinder to take a picture of the full moon.
There is a faint glimmer of sound and whisper of light. (See what i did there, with the words and their perceptions? And now - parenthetically letting you get a peek inside my head...this is the kind of moment that just allows me to wish that, in just this one instance, I were you, so that I could enjoy me in a new way.) Shine on me, autumn breeze.
This plant is potted outside, and near the side of my house. Where the leaves touch the house they die. If you didn't want the leaves to die, you'd think that you should move the plant. You wouldn't think to leave the plant where it is and move the house, because that would be a far less likely and reasonable solution. I am glad the leaves died where they touched the house. I want to remember this summer. I want those dead leaf ends to be a long, cold, winter reminder of the summer I put the plant outside against the house. A reminder of this fall evening when I took this photo, accepted defeat, and thought about the summer I should have moved the house. I was wrong to say I am glad; I am so sorry I let this happen. Why are the leaf ends dying? Why did I wait so long to take action? Where did the summer go? Where did the year go? Why haven't I made other changes in my life? Even the long, cold, winter will soon pass. Another chance to either accept defeat, claim victory, or declare a truce, from identical evidence. Now that I have had some time to really digest this issue, and my life, the problem - the root of the problem - is clearly the photograph itself. Without the photograph, there is no problem. Really, the photograph is the problem - but I am going to leave it on the blog so you can arrive at the same conclusion, and we can agree, and be happier - together. As long as we agree. And don't talk about it. Okay? Tick a lock.
there are a couple of ways to use a trampoline.
there are a couple of ways to live life.
these are both good.
