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I unplugged my negative ion generator.  It now, after being given the proper and just warning, seems irresponsible for me to have been generating an indeterminate sized mystery cloud of negative ions. I have reason to believe that my negative ions may have been causing interference for the sophisticated electronics in this fine country's missile defense and/or citizen surveillance system. I am not at liberty to discuss the details of why i have reason to believe that, but suffice it to say that I now have to use cliches like, "suffice it to say," or, I am told that domestic threats risk:

The Congress shall have Power to declare the Punishment of Treason, but no Attainder of Treason shall work Corruption of Blood, or Forfeiture except during the Life of the Person attainted.
Article III, Section 3, Clause 2

Crap, I don't know exactly what that means, but I just thought they'd just send me to Sweden or something.  This sounds worse.
IT'S FREAKIN' UNPLUGGED, America. Relax.

yes, i did

I was thinking that now is the time for a career change.  But not just for the change, but to follow a new path that would be both fun and interesting.  Die-cast molding original art came to mind, or maybe museum curator, or fashion design, or perhaps optometry.
I made a pretty awesome snowman last year.  When I tackled the snowman project, I had very limited previous building-with-snow experience, and no professional apprenticeship, training, or college, in the snow arts.  So, you can see, I have good reason, by experience, to not be intimidated by my apparent limitations in areas such as fashion design, museum curating, die-cast molding, and optometry.  Once before, on a snowy winter's day, when the temperature ranged between 30 and 32 degrees Fahrenheit, I overcame limitations, and I built a snowman. 
Darn it, yes, I built a snowman.

no, i won't be going to the prom

I'd like to be called (meant as a compliment) "a tall drink of water" by someone. That would make me feel like a cowboy.  A cool cowboy.  That would remind me of the Stetson cowboy hat I bought years ago when we went on vacation out West. And I would think about getting it out of the basement, and maybe even about wearing it; because it is cool and I would have been an awesome cowboy.  But I won't.  Because even though the hat is cool, really it would look stupid on me. 
You know, if you can't be the cowboy, don't wear the hat.
You may as well not even call me "a tall drink of water".
Sorry I let you down.
Sorry for always apologizing.
I'll be over here, if you need me.