while I am thinking about the past, in the present, now in the past again

I remember being not-so-interested in my future when I was younger.   Mostly this was because it was all so easy.  It still is easy.  But I can't help wonder if I could've been someone else, someone better, if I had tried harder.  Seems unlikely.  I always end up at the beginning.

mr. universal

When I was younger I was often referred to as "scrawny."  I tried unsuccessfully to gain weight for years.  Now that a couple of decades have passed, I have gained weight naturally, and i am now often referred to as "oddly shaped."  Weight gain is tricky. 

Thank God

Whenever I get sick in a new way, I wonder if this is it. Does this trip to the toilet have my name on it? Today I got sick in a new way.  I never felt bad in quite this way before.  Details are unimportant and unpleasant.  What I think is important is that every once in awhile I get depressed about writing.  I say to myself, that's it, nothing more, nothing left, not another original or new thought is in my head nor will there be,  i'm done.  And then something like this happens today and I figure that if God is as boundless in his ability to create new and festive ways to make me feel pain as he is proving to be - well then, gosh darn it, I should be able to continue writing a reasonably original paragraph every few days.  I am not sure the logic is solid, but I feel a little better.  Although I do imagine a vengeful God is sensitive to sarcasm; so, I am not exactly sure that I am in the clear yet. Oh well. Anyway, I try to always remember that my next trip to the toilet, may be my last trip to the toilet. Thank God.