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I unplugged my negative ion generator.  It now, after being given the proper and just warning, seems irresponsible for me to have been generating an indeterminate sized mystery cloud of negative ions. I have reason to believe that my negative ions may have been causing interference for the sophisticated electronics in this fine country's missile defense and/or citizen surveillance system. I am not at liberty to discuss the details of why i have reason to believe that, but suffice it to say that I now have to use cliches like, "suffice it to say," or, I am told that domestic threats risk:

The Congress shall have Power to declare the Punishment of Treason, but no Attainder of Treason shall work Corruption of Blood, or Forfeiture except during the Life of the Person attainted.
Article III, Section 3, Clause 2

Crap, I don't know exactly what that means, but I just thought they'd just send me to Sweden or something.  This sounds worse.
IT'S FREAKIN' UNPLUGGED, America. Relax.