my wish

when i have the occasion to make a culturally acceptable wish (birthday candle blowout, penny in the fountain, first star i see tonight, etc.), the wish i wish, is to be able to prove that all the negative and mean things i think people say and think about me, are actually being said and thought. i waste too much time worrying about it. let's just get it out in the open, and over with, so i can move on. but i won't move on will i? i will obsess on why you don't like me and how i can be better. my head hurts so much. it's not going to help, is it? i wish my head didn't hurt. now that wish makes more sense - today, anyway; but tomorrow i know i'll be wondering why you don't like me, why you think i'm stupid, and wondering why you won't be honest with me, and yet praying you don't say aloud all of the things i think you might say aloud, because, really, i am pretty scared that they are true. and i don't wish to prove it.