with hindsight

i used to lie in bed for hours after i woke up. i would wonder what i was going to do. i would feel bad about the class i was missing, or the work i was missing, or the -fill in the blank- i was missing. i remember looking down my arm, looking at the thin hairs, and feeling the pressure against my elbow as my arm pivoted up and down over the edge of the bed. i remember staring at the unintentional forms that appeared in the folds of the drapes, or the way the walls come together to meet the ceiling. it was there, in bed, and then, avoiding everything productive, that i peaked.